


Be Friends? No, Be Assholes to Each Other.

by zirkkun



Series: well ig i accidentally am into swapfell sans now (wip title lol) [1]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Swapfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underfell (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Underswap (Undertale), Alternate Universe - Undertale Multiverse | UTMV (Undertale), Arguing, Bad Decisions, Bad Flirting, Enemies, Enemies to Lovers, Idiots in Love, Locked In, Mocking, Other, POV First Person, Party, Prologue, Requited Love, Swapfell Sans (Undertale), Swearing, Underfell Sans (Undertale), Underfell Undyne (Undertale), Underswap Papyrus (Undertale), Verbal Abuse, Verbal Humiliation, bad roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29484141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zirkkun/pseuds/zirkkun
Summary: “guys, could you ease it with the sexual tension?”“WOULD YOU STOP CALLING IT THAT?!”
Relationships: Sans (Swapfell)/Reader, Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Series: well ig i accidentally am into swapfell sans now (wip title lol) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2165637
Kudos: 20





	Be Friends? No, Be Assholes to Each Other.

**Author's Note:**

> so this has different capitalization for speaking than the next part but just ignore that ok ;;  
> but this was written in a "send me a title and i'll write a oneshot" sort of thing on tumblr, mostly because i saw the title, and all i could think of was this stupid fic i wrote a while back... so here's an unwanted prologue i guess LMAO. Though I did change the title a bit, since the OG title is a bit of a stretch to fit this prompt. My fault lol
> 
> ofc pt 2 is like 18+ ;; apologies,

“guys, could you ease it with the sexual tension?”

_“WOULD YOU STOP CALLING IT THAT?!”_

But we’d said it in sync, like idiots, only fueling the stupid fire he had started on his own. Stretch was laughing his ass off the moment it happened. Goddamnit, I just wanted to go home.

“ya realize yer not helpin’ your case, right?” Red’s voice called from across the room, his smirk just as bad of a shit-eating grin as Stretch’s was.

“Yeah, you guys, just kiss and make up already!!” Felldyne, sitting across from Red, yelled loudly, her hand cupped around her mouth to project it even louder. Which, naturally, gained the attention of _everyone in the fucking house._

“I am so sick of all of this,” I mumbled, burying my face in my hands. “I didn’t even want this stupid party in the first place…”

It’s not like Mal was taking it any better, either. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, finding him sitting up extremely stiff and straight up in his seat, his arms crossed and face a deep violet. The expression he wore was practically life-threatening on its own. Frankly, I didn’t know why he was here to begin with. I’d argue Rus dragged him here, but… since when does Mal listen to Rus for anything? It seemed out of character. Everything about him being here seemed out of character.

I would have gotten up to leave, but, well, I sort of lived here. There’d be no where for me to go. God, I’d honestly just wished Blue had taken me to go with him on whatever that stupid business trip thing he was stuck doing. He didn’t want to do _that_ either, and it sounded boring as _hell_ , but it would beat being made fun of in front of all of my friends over a crush I didn’t even have.

A hand was placed on my shoulder; I tipped my head up to see who it was. “look, i’m sorry, i shouldn’t have done that,” Stretch apologized, but he really didn’t sound sincere. Where’s the catch. I’m waiting for it.

“You’re fucking right you shouldn’t have,” I snapped anyway. “Stop trying to hook me up with Mal, I _hate_ him. Is that not obvious enough to you?” Throwing my hand in Mal’s direction to point at him, I added, “And _he_ hates me too! _Neither_ of us like this! Would you fucking stop?”

But Stretch just sort of chuckled. Thanks, man, you’re such a good housemate. God, I really hate _you_ too sometimes. Why was I friends with any of these people again?

“here’s an idea to make it up to you,” he started. “i’ll stop calling you two out…”

Mhm. Yeah. And? Go on. You dick.

“… provided you two can make up and be friends with each other, not assholes to each other, within a twenty-four hour timespan.”

I laughed in his face. “You’re so fucking full of yourself! What the hell makes you think we’re going to do that?”

“IF IT GETS ME OUT OF THIS PLACE QUICKER, I DON’T CARE.”

Mal didn’t make eye contact as he made the claim, rather stared off to the front of the house, but he was clearly listening. He flickered his attention between us and the front door a few times, more so and more panicked as the silence continued, before eventually caving and standing up, practically growling in agony. “I HAVE WORK TO DO. I DON’T HAVE TIME TO SIT AROUND AND IDLE AT A PARTY.”

“You think that’s going to motivate me to even remotely like you after what you’ve said and done to me?” I laughed, standing up from my seat, frankly ready to just pummel the shit out of him. “Pull the stick out of your boney ass and realize I’m not going to care about you for anything, even if it _‘makes you go home quicker.’_ ”

“I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU _DIDN’T_ MOCK MY VOICE IN SUCH A TONE.”

“And I would appreciate it if you just weren’t the biggest douchbag on the face of the Earth, but it seems we can’t all get what we want, can we? No, of course not, because you’re too stuck-up and full of yourself to care about anything other than you and you alone.”

“YOU’RE FULL OF _YOURSELF_ TO MAKE SUCH AN ACCUSATION WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME AT ALL.”

“How could I not when you announce it all the time, you narcissistic bastard?” But my sentence was cut off as the back of my shirt collar was grabbed, half choking me in the process. Mal, too, was snatched, and Stretch threw us over his shoulders before carrying us up the stairs like packages of flour. I punched his back. “What the hell are you doing?!”

“you guys need to sort this out,” Stretch claimed. Eventually, he did toss us off of his shoulder, but when he did I realized we were on the soft carpet only in Blue’s room… which…

“Wait – _no, no, no, no_ –”

Stretch slammed the door in my face. I reached for the handle, but he was pushing it shut, and from the other side of the hall I could hear he was dragging over that stupid heavy bookshelf with magic. And in seconds, the door was blocked off … and we couldn’t leave.

“twenty-four hours!” Stretch called, evidently walking back down the stairs.

I still kept frantically trying to open the door. I tried to push it, to pull it, to break it –

“I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS.”

The back of my shirt was grabbed as I was thrown into and pinned against the opposite wall, Mal way closer to me than I _ever_ wanted to be to him.


End file.
